For many of us, the winter holidays are something to look forward to. Plentiful food, surprise gifts, and especially family get-togethers are all part of the festivities. But for divorced couples who co-parent, the most wonderful time of year can also be extremely stressful. However, there are some practical ways to minimize the pressure.
Read on for six tips to make it a joyful holiday season for you and your kids!
- Follow the court orders
Court orders are binding. If you defy them, you will be judged on your non-compliance, regardless of the situation, including anything your former spouse may have done to provoke such an action.
2. Don’t bite off more than you can chew
For some people, the holidays create a feeling of being pulled in multiple directions at one time. As always, there are work obligations, but you may also be grappling with responsibilities to your extended family.
Maybe you would like your children to visit with you for two weeks, but there are practical concerns that could make this difficult. How much time can you be present with them when they are not at school? How much time can you take off from work? Can a family member help? If not, can you afford to hire a babysitter? Regardless of your situation, be sure to have all your ducks in a row and don’t take on anything that you can’t handle, emotionally, practically, or financially.
3. Seek solutions
Don’t wait for problems and conflict to arise! Seek to find solutions that work for both you and your spouse, so that both sides get the time they need and want with the children as much as reasonably possible. Remember to be flexible if you need to. Going to court for dispute resolution should be a last resort.
4. Prioritize
For some families, Christmas morning is the most important event. For others, Christmas Day is more cherished. Seek to balance your family traditions with your spouse’s but remember that it is your children’s needs that are paramount, and they will vary depending on their age.
For example, you may believe that you must take photos of your toddler opening their gifts on Christmas morning, but a two-year-old is just as happy to celebrate on the 26th.
5. Do not argue with your spouse in front of your children
Children are extremely intuitive and parental conflict creates stress, anxiety, and worry regardless of their age.
6. Remember – no single day makes or breaks your ability to be a good parent
Even if your children are with your former spouse on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after, and you can’t see them until the 27th, they won’t love you any less.
Whatever your needs when it comes to co-parenting, Seth Harris, senior associate of the PMK family law division, can guide you through the legal process to ensure an outcome that is in the best interest of your child. Contact him at Family@HawaiiLegal.com.
