For many of us, the winter holidays are something to look forward to. Plentiful food, surprise gifts, and especially family get-togethers are all part of the festivities. But for divorced couples who co-parent, the most wonderful time of year can also be extremely stressful. However, there are some practical ways to minimize the pressure.
Read on for six tips to make it a joyful holiday season for you and your kids!
- Follow the court orders
Court orders are binding. If you defy them, you will be judged on your non-compliance, regardless of the situation, including anything your former spouse may have done to provoke such an action.
2. Don’t bite off more than you can chew
For some people, the holidays create a feeling of being pulled in multiple directions at one time. As always, there are work obligations, but you may also be grappling with responsibilities to your extended family.
Maybe you would like your children to visit with you for two weeks, but there are practical concerns that could make this difficult. How much time can you be present with them when they are not at school? How much time can you take off from work? Can a family member help? If not, can you afford to hire a babysitter? Regardless of your situation, be sure to have all your ducks in a row and don’t take on anything that you can’t handle, emotionally, practically, or financially.
3. Seek solutions
Don’t wait for problems and conflict to arise! Seek to find solutions that work for both you and your spouse, so that both sides get the time they need and want with the children as much as reasonably possible. Remember to be flexible if you need to. Going to court for dispute resolution should be a last resort.
4. Prioritize
For some families, Christmas morning is the most important event. For others, Christmas Day is more cherished. Seek to balance your family traditions with your spouse’s but remember that it is your children’s needs that are paramount, and they will vary depending on their age.
For example, you may believe that you must take photos of your toddler opening their gifts on Christmas morning, but a two-year-old is just as happy to celebrate on the 26th.
5. Do not argue with your spouse in front of your children
Children are extremely intuitive and parental conflict creates stress, anxiety, and worry regardless of their age.
6. Remember – no single day makes or breaks your ability to be a good parent
Even if your children are with your former spouse on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after, and you can’t see them until the 27th, they won’t love you any less.
Whatever your needs when it comes to co-parenting, Seth Harris, senior associate of the PMK family law division, can guide you through the legal process to ensure an outcome that is in the best interest of your child. Contact him at Family@HawaiiLegal.com.
Partner R. Laree McGuire was a featured panelist at the December 4th Hawaii Council of Community Associations “Year in Review” Webinar. McGuire spoke on the topics of Board communication outside of a Board meeting as well as on the new laws passed during the 2021 Legislative Session.
PMK partnered with HUGS to sponsor a Dad’s night out on October 15th. HUGS is an organization that helps strengthen Hawaii’s families and improve their quality of life as they face the emotional and financial hardships of caring for a seriously ill child.
The HUGS Dads had a Spook-tackular night with Hawai’i’s Ghost Guy, Lopaka Kapanui, from Mysteries of Hawai’i. Lopaka shared tales of between-world spirits and Hawaiian mythology and his own haunted experiences as a child, which was a catalyst to the Dads sharing their spooky experiences too, with a few jokes in between. While talking story, they also enjoyed a meal from Kahai Kitchen.
To learn more about HUGS, visit https://www.hugshawaii.org/
Going through a divorce is a monumental life event. Divorces can be both expensive and stressful. You should expect your divorce attorney to be with you through every step of the legal process and maybe even provide some hand-holding along the way. You should demand both compassion and professionalism.
Because your lawyer will play such a crucial role in the process, you’ll want to be very deliberate when choosing who you’ll work with. Here are some things to think about and some specific actions to take before settling on a divorce attorney:
- What type of divorces have they handled? Every divorce is different, but you’ll want to know that your attorney has handled cases that are similar to yours.
- Talk to other people you know and trust who have gone through divorces. Ask them if they recommend a specific law office or attorney.
- Identify at least three lawyers to interview. Prepare your questions ahead of time and carefully evaluate their answers to determine if they will meet your needs and mesh with your personality.
- Does your prospective divorce attorney listen? If they are constantly distracted by their phone or being disturbed by others knocking on their office door, that is a sign that they may not give you the undivided attention that you deserve.
- How do they charge? If there’s an hourly rate, what is it? Some attorneys provide fixed-rate fees for certain types of divorces or reduced rates for limited services.
- Do you feel comfortable talking to them? You’re likely to share some very personal information with them, so you’ll want to trust them and feel at ease conversing with them.
PKK Senior Associate Seth Harris can provide you with a compassionate ear and specialized expertise to assist you with your divorce needs. Contact him today to learn what he can do for you.
If you requested an extension from the IRS, your final deadline to file your 2020 taxes is now looming. Before filing, check your status from previous tax returns and consider the following circumstances that could make a significant difference in your tax burden or overall financial situation:
The child tax credit
The new child tax credit didn’t exist in 2020. If you haven’t yet filed your 2020 taxes, the federal government will automatically send the new credit to whoever claimed the child as a dependent in 2019. If custody status has changed since then, be sure to make that adjustment, so the appropriate parent gets the credit.
Claiming a child on alternating Years
If you and your former spouse have agreed to alternate who claims a child as a dependent, the parent who claimed the child the previous year will automatically get the benefit. Be sure to account for this modification.
Income and child support
Child support payments are calculated through tax-reported income. If you or your former spouse were laid off or received a drastic salary reduction in 2020 due to the COVID-19 recession or for any other reason, will significantly reduce the child support obligation.
Similarly, a parent who is a self-employed, high-income earner may have been able to write off a significant portion of employee salaries through the federal government’s payment protection program, making it appear as though their income was significantly less than it was, allowing them to pay less in child support. If you’re the custodial parent, you may want to consult an accountant regarding how to evaluate high-income earners during this unprecedented economic time.
Quick cash?
In the event of a divorce, consider long-term tax implications before selling a home or cashing out a retirement account. If a home is awarded to either spouse in the event of a divorce, neither party pays capital gains taxes. However, if the home is sold as part of the divorce, there will be a tax obligation that will need to be resolved if there are no other deductions or credits.
Seth Harris, a senior associate at the PMK family law division, is available to help you work through any issues related to divorce and child custody, as well as all family law needs. For more information, go to https://hawaiilegal.com/practice-areas/family-law-2/.
Note: The attorneys of PMK do not provide tax advice. This material has been prepared for informational purposes only, and is not intended to provide, and should not be relied on for, tax advice. You should consult your tax advisors before engaging in any action.
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